Fandom: Yami no Matsuei
Word count: about 350
Critique wanted: anything, pretty much--general structure, flow, canon-compliance, IC-ness. Is the first-person voice for Hisoka believable--and would he, in fact, be likely to say any of this?
What, you thought it was like the Chateau d'If?
All dark and cold and dank, with mold and crusts of mineral on the walls, and dark water oozing up through the floor? A moldy straw mattress to sleep on, and maybe a rat or two for company?
This is a strange thing to say, but I need to be strictly fair about it all, because I need to know that I'm right to be angry.
I admit, I used to make believe it was the Chateau d'If, sometimes. But it was a room, only partly underground, more dusty than anything else. It was dry, and cool in the summer; in winter it was no worse than the rest of the house, which was old and grand, but built for elegance, not comfort. And I had books, and warm things, and there weren't any rats. Probably I wouldn't have minded if there were--rats are o.k. by me, even sort of cute, though if I had to live with them I might have felt differently. On the other hand, I hate centipedes, and that place had plenty of them.
From the window you could see the old part of the garden, with the maple trees that were planted by the master of the sixth generation. In the summer a long skein of blue and white irises spilled over the ground as if they were following the bank of a meandering stream.
I had books, but after sundown there was no light to read them by. Sometimes I could smuggle in candles, but they never lasted long; it was almost worse to have the light and know that it would be gone soon, and on cloudy nights, or nights without a moon, it was darker down there than in other places. And there were bars on the window, and the door was stout cypress-wood. And it locked with a key which someone else kept.
And if I didn't cry, if I didn't call for anyone, it wasn't bravery. Maybe it was pride...but no: I was afraid to call, because I didn't want to find out for certain that nobody would come.