Brenda (antikythera) wrote in quickficsupport,
  • Mood: yay, new fandom to play in!
I never thought I'd write something based directly on a rant in fanficrants. ^^;;

Title: none yet
Fandom: Harry Potter
Length: ~ 200 words
Warnings: teenagers making out, crushing embarrassment
Critique wanted: General grammar, structure, etc., and some specific questions:
  1. Am I using the spells properly?
  2. Are the point deductions reasonable, or am I way off base for these kinds of infractions?
  3. The students' names -- out of place, or plausible for wizards?
  4. Would a wizard say 'hormones'? If not, suggestions?

She pushed him impatiently into the empty room, and turned and tapped her wand against the door. 'Silencio!' she whispered as she closed it.

At the other end of the dim corridor, a passing Professor Snape stopped and listened and watched. The latch clicked and he strode forward into the torchlight.

Sounds came through to him, interspersed with the thud of his boot heels stalking down the stone floor. Rustle, thump. Breathless words, turning into wordless breaths. Giggle, muffled. Squeal.

He aimed his wand at the lock. 'Alohomora!'

The door flew open. The girl caught sight of him and shrieked over the head of the boy whose hand was under her shirt. The boy turned his head and also shrieked, with an equally shrill pitch.

'Bracegirdle and Noakes.' Snape's black eyes glittered at the terrified would-be lovers. 'Fifty points from each of you for letting your hormones have priority over your common sense.' He let out a breath, too controlled to be a proper sigh, his face hardening further with that peculiar pain that only an educator can know. 'And two hundred points from Gryffindor for letting you get as far as fifth year without knowing what a Silencing Charm is for.'
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